Trials and Suffering

***Originally posted May 30th***

I don't know if you've noticed but in my life, it has not been all fun and games. For many years, I turned away from God, blaming him for my own faults, cursing him for the direction life had taken me, and just being angry in general. We can ask why over and over again and never get an answer.

Job 30:16 "And now my life ebbs away; days of suffering grip me."
Job 30:27 "The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me."

Now, I got saved at 3 1/2. I remember sitting on my parent's love seat, staring out of their great, huge window (which I broke once playing behind the couch, haha) and my mom praying with me. As a child, I had this blind faith in God. My parents had a neighbor who refused to talk to them but I would march right up to the chain link fence and flat out ask him if he knew Jesus. I would declare that I loved Jesus and would sing songs really loud throughout the back yard. Somewhere along the road, my stubborn and rebellious nature took over and I walked away. I would try to seek God but would give up quickly when trials occured or I screwed up and sinned.

Isaiah 48:10 "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction."
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Last August, I got really drunk one night, passed out, woke up the next day with a huge hangover and went to work my phone job. That day I gave up. I was done wrestling with God. He had won and I couldn't do it anymore. It turns out that God has far more physical, emotional, and mental stamina than I do. Go figure. By the beginning of September, I had a good job making almost twice as much as my phone job. By November, I had a new car in great shape and by December, I had gotten out of credit card debt. God seriously showered me with blessings within weeks of me offering up my will to him.

Psalm 107:17 "Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities."
Psalm 31:7 "I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul."

So now here I am, getting over another trial. I would say the biggest one I've gone through. But it's also been the best time. I took a few steps down the old road I had traveled for so many years, the road of blaming and anger, but I couldn't go back. I know the only way to handle these situations is to lean on him, trust him, let him wrap his arms around me and hold the only way a Father with perfect, unending love can do. And to look over this time and see all that he has done for me is just incredible.

Psalm 22:24 "For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help."
Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Sometimes, at the beginning of the dark tunnel, we can't see the light coming from the other side. We take blind steps forward, stumbling through the darkness. There is no hope. There is no end. We feel like we are choking, gasping for air in a vacuum, suffocating, groaning in pain and misery. Let me just say I love the Psalms. They challenge God, asking him why yet still offering up the respect he deserves. And they also offer hope! Some time passes and you can see the darkness recede, the light from the tunnel up ahead showing you there is a way out. You leave the tunnel and find a clear sky with the sun shining down. God knows how we feel. He cries with us, he shares our pain, he completely understands better than anybody else here on Earth.

Psalm 119:117 "Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for your decrees."
James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,"

Sometimes we won't know the reasons why these trials happen. Perhaps it is a consequence, perhaps a test, or maybe it's to get our attention. Sometimes God does need to smack us upside the head and say "I'm up here. Focus on me."

Romasn 5:3 "Not only so, but we [ Or let us] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;"
Philippians 3:10 "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,"

Our reaction to these trials is what matters. Do we fight and wrestle with God like Jacob (and I) did? Do we walk away and turn our back on him, cursing him for how aweful life can be? Or do we surrender and thank him for the bad times? Trials are going to happen no matter what you do. You might be financially stable and find that you have cancer. You may be very healthy but find that you are tight on cash. Someone might die, you might be betrayed, friendships and relationships fade away, thieves break in and steal and moths and rust destroy. We can decide to face these trials alone or with God by our side.

Psalm 119:71 "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."
James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

I've done both. It is so much easier surrendering.